Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is all about how well you can understand and manage your own emotions and pick up on and influence the feelings of those around you. While IQ gives you a sense of someone’s raw brainpower, EQ shows how skilled you are at handling the ups and downs of human relationships. In a world that never stops moving—where stress seems to climb year after year—EQ is more important than ever. It shapes how we connect, succeed at work, and maintain our well-being.
Recent research shines a light on some worrying developments. According to the “State of the Heart 2024” report, global EQ scores dropped notably from 2019 to 2023. What does this mean for us? Fewer people are flexing those all-important emotional muscles, possibly leaving us less prepared to handle challenges, communicate effectively, or thrive under pressure. To turn the tide, it’s crucial to understand the core elements of emotional intelligence and get intentional about strengthening them. Let’s dig into what makes up EQ, why it really matters, and what you can do to grow your own emotional skills—especially in times like these.
How Did Our Understanding of Emotional Intelligence Evolve?
Though the roots of emotional awareness go way back—thinkers from ancient times recognized its value—the term “emotional intelligence” got its modern shape in the early 1990s. Psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer were the first to define it as “the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions.”
The idea really took off when Daniel Goleman published his popular 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence. Goleman broke down EQ into five main components, showing how it applies not just to our personal lives but also in the workplace. Thanks to his work, emotional intelligence became more than a psychology buzzword; it became a practical skill set everyone could learn, recognize, and use to their advantage.
What Are the Five Pillars of Emotional Intelligence?
Daniel Goleman’s model lays out five central ingredients that make up emotional intelligence. Think of them as different parts of one system: they all interact, and getting better in one often boosts the others. Together, these elements set the stage for healthy relationships and resilience—both at work and at home. Let’s walk through what each one means and why it matters.
Boosting Your Ability to Understand Yourself: Self-Awareness
This is your foundation. Self-awareness means tuning in to your own emotions as they come up, understanding what you’re feeling and why, and noticing how those feelings shape your actions. It’s deeper than just labeling something “happy” or “angry”; it’s about knowing your emotional triggers and how your mood colors your decisions. For example, you might pick up on the fact that you tend to get short-tempered when you’re low on sleep and plan around that.
Becoming more self-aware starts with pausing from time to time—through journaling, meditation, or simply checking in with yourself during the day. Thinking back on past situations and how you responded gives you clues to your own patterns. The goal? More insight, less autopilot.
Mastering Your Reactions: Self-Regulation
Here’s where skill meets action. Self-regulation is about managing your emotions—especially the tough ones—so they don’t manage you. It doesn’t mean ignoring your feelings. Rather, it means expressing them appropriately and choosing when to act on them. Someone with good self-regulation can stay steady under pressure, avoid knee-jerk reactions, and bounce back when things go sideways.
Picture a tight deadline at work. Instead of snapping at a colleague or spiraling, self-regulation lets you step back, breathe, and figure out a next move. Strategies like counting to ten, taking a walk, or reframing negative thoughts can make a real difference here. It’s about pausing before reacting—so you stay in control, even when life gets messy.
Driving Your Actions Forward: Motivation
Motivation in the context of EQ is all about what fuels you from the inside. It’s that sense of purpose, passion, or drive—for the challenge, not just for the paycheck or praise. People with a strong sense of internal motivation tend to aim high, bounce back from failure, and stick to their goals with grit.
It’s not about being a workaholic for the sake of it. The research is clear: when you have personal meaning behind what you do, you’re more likely to innovate, persist, and feel satisfied with your work. This kind of motivation isn’t dependent on others’ approval—it’s grounded in what matters most to you.
Connecting with Others’ Feelings: Empathy
Empathy is the ability to step into someone else’s shoes and feel what they’re feeling, not just see things from your own point of view. For leaders, empathy is crucial—it helps build trust, keeps teams connected, and boosts morale. It’s about picking up on both spoken and unspoken signals, tuning in when someone’s struggling, and responding with care.
Let’s say a team member seems a bit off. An empathetic leader won’t just write them off; they’ll ask how things are going and really listen. That kind of check-in helps people feel seen, heard, and valued—which strengthens the whole team. It also leads to better communication and stronger, more meaningful relationships.
Building Strong Connections: Social Skills
Social skills bring everything together in practice. They include communicating clearly, listening actively, resolving conflicts, working well in groups, and influencing others in positive ways. People who are strong in this area know how to build connections, network, and navigate complicated social situations.
This isn’t just about being outgoing. It’s about the daily work of really hearing people, expressing thanks, negotiating disagreements calmly, and leading by example. Attending networking events or joining a team project can help polish these skills, opening up new opportunities and deeper connections that stand the test of time.
The Critical Importance of Emotional Intelligence: Why EQ Matters
EQ isn’t just nice to have—it’s a core ingredient for success at work and beyond. Studies repeatedly show that people with higher emotional intelligence outperform their peers, especially in jobs that depend on people skills and leadership. They navigate tricky conversations more smoothly, settle conflicts before they explode, and build partnerships others can count on.
What’s especially troubling is the recent dip in EQ scores worldwide, which seems to go hand-in-hand with rising burnout on the job. When emotional skills drop, stress and exhaustion rise. There’s less resilience and more friction. So, making room to grow EQ isn’t just good for individuals—it’s a smart move for any organization focused on well-being and performance.
How Can You Cultivate Your Emotional Intelligence?
Good news: EQ isn’t set in stone. Anyone can get better with time, practice, and intention. The secret? Practice focusing on each area, and weave small habits into your routine that nurture them.
Start building self-awareness by setting aside quiet moments for reflection. Try meditation or simply pause during your day to take stock of what you’re feeling and why. For self-regulation, watch how you react in tense moments, and have a few go-to tools ready—like deep breaths or stepping outside—to settle yourself before you respond.
If you want to boost motivation, hone in on what excites you. Set goals that actually mean something to you and celebrate your progress, even in small doses. To strengthen empathy, listen deeply in your conversations and ask questions that show you care about someone else’s perspective. Practicing these skills in daily interactions sharpens your emotional radar.
And when it comes to social skills, look for chances to connect. Host a meeting, join a club, or work on a group project. Every interaction is a chance to get better at communicating, navigating differences, and building bonds that last.
Beyond the Basics: Trends, Tools, and Cultural Nuances in EQ
The downward trend in EQ since the pandemic deserves real attention. Increased isolation, more anxiety, and lots of remote work play a role. Rebuilding genuine connection—at home, in the workplace, and in our communities—is more important than ever. Fostering empathy and meaningful relationships is key to reversing this trend.
There are plenty of reliable tools for measuring EQ, whether you’re looking to grow on your own or want to bring insights into a company. The Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-i 2.0) and the Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT) are two of the most widely used. Looking at the strengths and weaknesses of each can help pinpoint what will serve you best, offering a clearer map for progress.
Cultural background and gender can also shape how emotional intelligence develops and shows up. Different cultures encourage or discourage expressing certain feelings, which shifts how EQ is built and seen. You’ll also notice some gender differences in the research, though these are often linked to social expectations—not unchangeable realities. With awareness and training, anyone can build EQ skills regardless of starting point.
At the end of the day, emotional intelligence isn’t just a “bonus” trait. It’s a foundation for thriving in today’s world—at work, at home, and in every relationship. The five core elements—self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills—set you up for stronger connections, better leadership, and more balanced well-being.
So, while dropping EQ scores might feel discouraging, think of it as a call to action. Each of us can strengthen these skills with consistent effort. Committing to EQ growth is one of the most valuable investments you’ll ever make—in yourself, in your career, and in the quality of your connections with others. The world isn’t getting any less complex, but with strong emotional intelligence, you’ll be better equipped to handle whatever comes next.
